I picked up two packages from Little Brothers… I will be visiting two eldery ladies in the city for Christmas. Hopefully I can get thru this, I signed up before but now I’m severally depressed and hope I can do it. I’m scheduled to see them Christmas day.
With the money I will pay Colleen back some money I owe her when she helped me with a loan towards my older son Brandon. I really appreciated her giving me the loan and being patient for the payback. Again never met anyone like her, a 1 in a billion lady.
I will also purchase some urn jewerly for my kids to put in a package with instructions, I guess like a will. I just don’t want anyone having to do much or have fights if anything happens to me. That is why I’m also giving away my belongings now.
I hope to be isolated and non socializing the rest of my journey, I don’t want to hurt anyone or be hurt by anyone again.
I was thinking of selling my bobbleheads the past few months to but Colleen a ring but to also save some money and pay of my debt. By saving money and paying off my debt it would make things alot better for my relationship with Colleen and life in general.
I could still run my website and be a part of the hobby just not a huge collector.
I started the hobby with my boys, the hobby was trips and time spent with my boys when they were younger. As the boys got older they didn’t want to be part of the hobby anymore. This is when Colleen came into my life, Colleen was willing to be the one to share memories with while doing this hobby. We had many long drives, long lines and lots of hustling to do. But in the end, it was us spending so much quality time together that made it special. No matter what the trip took us through we would be smiling and kissing each other. I was lucky to find someone willing to do all the things around the hobby like we did, and still be so happy with each other afterwards.
But now that I lost Colleen and my boys aren’t interested in doing this, the hobby will not be any fun and just full of great memories which depress me. So because of this I will sell my website and all my bobbleheads and settle up my debts. I don’t know what the future of this journey will be because I have thought out several ideas and will decide once I know where I stand after I sell everything and what I get from the sales. I wish I was buying Colleen a ring and settling my debt to start a new life with her. ugh
Without Colleen all these materials things mean nothing to me… so I gave my TV, Xbox 360 Elite, all the games to my daughter Kristy. Her family will enjoy these more than I will going forward.
My next stop I dropped off my desktop computer I had built for a MAME machine, the XBOX 360 COD edition and other accessories to my boys. They will also enjoy these things more than I will. I will continue to clean out my belongings and storage unit to start my journey.
Yesterday I woke up with very little sleep but was happy. I learned things that were issues in my relationship with Colleen on Tuesday which I didn’t know about. I wish we would have talked sooner but I felt good about trying to work things out, I felt we had a chance and wanted to work on things. All night I thought about apologizing to her parents for hurting her because how close they are, I would also sell everything I had so I could buy her a tremendous ring she deserved.
But I never got to apologize and learned I had no chance shortly after showering this morning. The words sent to me after my shower pierced my heart, I was hurt the prior months by some of the miscommunication between us but these words were the finale. I love this girl enough that I could get over these words but the words showed that her love back wasn’t as strong or willing.